Hippopotamuslessness

sketch of a hippo I did at the zoo in Portland around 5/2012

you can call it cynicism or you can call it realism, but it's the attitude that's given us a hundred years of hippopotamuslessness.
                                                            -Jon Mooallen-

In the 1890s, the United States ran into trouble, meat-wise. There was unfettered European immigration driving the population up. There was poor land management, leading to massive cattle die-offs during the blizzard of 1897. Upton Sinclair published his book, The Jungle, in 1904 about slaughterhouses. Newspapers across the nation debated the Meat Question.

And then, as often happens, a hero arose.  In 1910 Louisiana Congressman Robert Broussard. introduced a bill, HR 23621, asking for an appropriation of $250,000 to import hippos to the swamps of Florida, Mississippi, and (of course) Louisiana where they would be farmed up and slaughtered for food. This brilliant plan would also have the added advantage of using the hippos to eat the invasive Japanese Water Hyacinth which had begun to clog up most of the waterways in Louisiana.

my quick sketch of Japanese water hyacinth, Eichornia crassipes

The water hyacinth, an innocuous gift from the Japanese delegation to the 1884 World's Fair in New Orleans, is a pretty little plant that has become an American Nightmare. Eichornia crassipes reproduces rapidly through its stolons. It clogs ponds, lakes, and rivers, growing at a rate of 89 tons per acre per year. Hippos are just one of the many solutions suggested to eradicate it from North America.

HR 23621, commonly known as the Hippo Bill, was debated for weeks, it had the support of former President Teddy Roosevelt. Witnesses were called before the Committee for the Department of Agriculture. Fredrick Burnham, the man who had both the Boy Scouts and Indiana Jones modeled after him, talked about his time in Africa during the Boer War (where he fought for the British against the Dutch), and his knowledge of hippos from that time. Also testifying was William Irwin, a federal researcher of apples, though why his opinion on hippopotamuses mattered, I do not know.

The congressional session for 1910 ended before a decision was made on the bill. During the summer, the papers made it seem as if hippos were inevitable for the American South. The New Food Supply Society (consisting of Broussard, Burnham, and others) planned to reintroduce the bill, but infighting began over who would get the most credit for the plan. Congressman Broussard's attention waned as he got involved with other things. The hippos never happened.

While I am saddened by our national hipopotamuslessness (outside of zoos, of course), it is probably for the best. It is estimated that wild hippos cause over 500 deaths a year through territorial aggressiveness. They have been known to attack boats, and are sometimes more feared than crocodiles. The hyacinth is still a problem. But don't worry - in 2016 over 50 capybaras were known to be loose in the swamps of Florida. These 100+ pound aquatic rodents may eat all of the hyacinths. Or they could just be another non-native in the hood.

References
American Hippopotamus https://magazine.atavist.com/american-hippopotamus
Capybaras https://www.sciencenews.org/blog/wild-things/capybaras-may-be-poised-be-florida%E2%80%99s-next-invasive-rodent
Hyacinth Woes: from a gift to a curse https://fishbio.com/field-notes/the-fish-report/hyacinth-woes-gift-curse
1887 blizzard that changed the American Frontier Forever https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/1887-blizzard-changed-american-frontier-forever-1-180953852/